Being Gushy

I have been procrastinating my homework since today is such a beautiful day! 73 degrees and sunny! perfect! I have two 8 page papers due at the end of the week and it has been so difficult to focus on any of it. So I guess you are wondering, well why are you writing a blog then? I guess I have more on my mind than the Muslim conquest of Spain...hmm.

With only 3 more weeks left of my time here, I cannot help but think about what I have done here, what I still have yet to see, how I have grown, and what I have learned (or what I will learn about myself when I come back). My friends and I can't help but reflect and reminisce about good times we have had and become a little sad thinking about it all being over so soon. This semester has just flown by, and thinking about how soon it is going to end really makes me sad. It is so bitter sweet. When I think about leaving, I get sad and wish I could live here forever; but then I talk to my family and friends at home and think about the coming summer and I can't wait to get home and see everyone. It is such a strange feeling. un sentido extrano. I feel like I am getting pulled in two different directions with my feelings and I can't figure out which one will eventually be stronger.

I have been taking mental snapshots instead of just ones with my camera, to be able to "practice" remembering the smells, sights, tastes, and sounds of this beautiful city. I am so glad that there are at least two people that I can show Sevilla to and I know to them it doesn't seem like much, probably just another vacation city on a trip. But to me, it has been home and I keep thinking that I will come back after summer vacation for fall semester, just like any other university in the US. But I am not. The city, culture, and language feels so comfortable to me now. I feel a part of it and it a part of me that I cannot change or will ever forget. I know that sounds so cheesy but I know I will really miss this place, miss the people, the gestures, the language, the food, the feeling of walking at a snails pace through the streets just to soak it up because you can and should. Why must we always be in a hurry? Already I can feel myself tear up when I think about leaving and saying good bye to this life and friends that has become so much a part of me. There is always a chance that I could come back on vacation, but this experience of studying here and creating a personal connection with the people will never leave me. I am not sure if I feel so strongly about Sevilla because I have lived here and it was the first time I have come to know a culture really well, or if I truly feel a special bond with it. I am sure its both and I don't think there is much of a difference between the two. They are both connected.

I am scared to go back to the US a little bit too. I am so excited to see my family and friends again but I am scared to get there and wish I was still here. I know it will be very hard and the re-entry of culture shock is supposed to be so much worse than the first entry into the country. I will definitely need help, not sure how or in which form, but I will need help and support. I dealt with re-entry culture shock when I went to the Texas/Mexico border and nearly flipped my life around due to the strength of it. It will just be surreal to think that I was in Spain when I wrote this blog, that I am in Spain right now. It feels so much like home that thinking about looking at it from the US will be surreal, as if I never left and this whole semester was just a dream. :)

Okay....Back to reality...I know I will be fine when I get back because it will be soooooooooo amazing to see everyone I have missed!!! Its just good to think about this kind of stuff and reflect about what I have done here.

Love you all, better get going on these two huge papers...argh!

Please send me notes and comments if you want! I miss getting them! can't wait to see most of you in MN and OH this summer! :)

Love, besos,

betsy